....the Sacred with Illana Berger, PhD

Creating Strong & Vibrant Relationships

Couples can create a thriving and fulfilling relationship by keeping these key concepts in mind and in use:

  • being conscious aware of your beliefs, attitudes, behaviors and actions;
  • understanding relationship skills and concepts that help create sustaining relationships;
  • defining the practices and agreements necessary for the development of skillful communication and intimacy;
  • continual practice in order to achieve ever-increasing ease and understanding; and
  • being committed to the relationship and the process of communication.

There are eight Key Relationship Concepts are the essential to creating a successful and consciously aware relationship. These concepts are the foundation that supports a thriving relationship. The greater your commitment to these key relationship concepts, which are essential in order to create sustaining, supportive, and thriving relationships, the more successful and intimate your relationship will be.

The Three Bodies

Creating a true partnership with your lover creates a third entity which is the relationship. This third body is separate from each partner AND it is within, or part of, each of them. You and your beloved define and co-create your relationship entirely. To fully understand this concept, imagine three aspects to every relationship. There is you, your partner and together you create the relationship All three components are needed in order to support the marriage and for to function as desired and dreamt of. If any one of these components is not supported and supportive, the relationship will either suffer or fall apart. A successful relationship is supported by both partners who understand deeply that the relationship is a distinctly separate, yet integrated entity, and who also understand that they both must contribute equally to:

  • increasing self-awareness, care of their partner, and awareness of the needs of the relationship; supporting the relationship in commitment, action and intention;
  • an unyielding commitment to the success of their partnership;
  • creating and sustaining a shared dream and intention for the relationship;

A loving and sustaining relationship and partnership takes work and commitment. If you do your own work throughout the marriage the journey will be extraordinary. Sometimes the passion wanes and the trials and tribulations of life take us over and we forget that the relationship itself requires attention and care. When a couple tends to that, the relationship and marriage thrives.

Thoughts on Marriage

It is said that once a couple decides to marry it is because the marriage has already occurred. The ceremony is a formality that makes explicit what is already so. It is a wonderful journey that a couple takes once they decide to formally marry. There is a shift in consciousness that happens - rather than being on a journey alone, one now embarks on this life journey committed to walking beside another. It is not an easy road. Often couples are smitten with each other. They are physically attracted to each other and for the most part enjoy being together. Sometimes couples love being together and cannot wait to see each other each and every day. I know of couples who call each other several times a day just to share and hear each other’s voices. But this too is part of the early bliss of infatuation. In time, for most, this infatuation wears off and the realities of life and the challenges that life delivers can take a toll on a relationship. This is when the “real” relationship begins. Each of us attracts someone into our life who will perhaps be our life partner, but with that will come challenges, struggles, disappointments and failures. Can your live endure that? Can your love endure your partner losing their job? A limb? Become depressed? These are some of the real challenges that we face as people, humans, individuals. When we join hands and commit to walking this path of life together, we are signing on for the challenges that might befall our marriage and our life together. These are the deep questions you must ask yourself before you commit to marriage. Love conquers all. Love endures all things. Love does not ask anything from anyone else. Love does not put itself first. If you can answer yes to all of this - then marry. Celebrate. Know you are deeply blessed and I congratulate you and am honored to marry you.

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